I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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