Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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