mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
