New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
