The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
