you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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