hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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