This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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