He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
