At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
