using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize