We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
