Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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