wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
