i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
