he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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