Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
