chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
