True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Never joke about your clitoris.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize