Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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