You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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