Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
