I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
