With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
