im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
