i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
