I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I won the penis lottery.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
