I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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