she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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