hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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