You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
