Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(214): View more from Texas

Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night

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(716): View more from New York

My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough

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