yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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