My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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