Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
