pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
