whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
