hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
