i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
