I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
