office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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