You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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