just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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