I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
