the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I deserve this hangover.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
