why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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