Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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