no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
