I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i have two assholes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
