i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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