My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
