you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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