You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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