I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
