woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
