Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
