is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
someone owes me an orgasm
She's the barista slut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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