big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did i walk over a car last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
