This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
