well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
