I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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