reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
